July 2020

 1. Dad, did you ever golf?   

A couple times.

(long silence)

When was the last time you golfed? 

With my father-in-law Stanley Walton. (note: STW died in 1969, 51 years ago).

(Long silence.)

Can you tell me about it? 

I was the only non-retired person with 4 other elderly men who played golf 5 days each week.  I think I may have golfed once maybe twice before then; I don't know.  They all were being nice to me and said I could tee off first.

Looking ahead at the par-60 course, I rolled the ball around in my hands, hiked up my pant legs a bit, one leg at a time.  I addressed the ball, giving my shoulders a little shake -- all these things I had seen the pros do.  I knew what I was doing.  I took a couple practice swings, shook our my shoulders again side to side, and swung.

(long silence)

And? 

That ball sailed 175 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.  So I shook my shoulders side to side a little bit, and I hitched up my belt immodestly as if I did that every shot, all like I'd seen the pros do.  I stood tall, then stepped aside, one of the boys. I picked up my bag as we all walked to our balls. 

That was my last good shot of the day.

We did 27 holes; it was uphill and boring.  That was my last golf game.

2.  I was in court once for something I did.

(long silence)

Really?  Once? 

Yeah, it was tough.

(long silence)

Wanna tell me about it? 

You see, I had been riding my bike with a friend. We were side by side but the city ordinance was that we had to bike in a straight line, not next to each other.  So I was cited; my friend and I had to appear in court.  So we did.

(long silence)

How did it go? 

So I stood before the judge who asked what I had done and if I knew what I had done was wrong.  And I said I did.  Then he sentenced me.

(long silence)

To what? 

I had to write a 500 word essay on bike safety and turn it in within a week.

(long silence)

Did I tell you it was a junior high school student court and the judge was a high school student?