Millings's Stories and Poetry

 When told that a local person would vote for him as a write-in candidate in the next presidential election ("After all," he said, "I wrote you in for the last one as well,"), Gramps said, "I'm in the right age bracket."  "I've been de-throned," he said after meeting a neighbor on the Gold Coast who is currently 95.  When the roof leaked in his bedroom (badly) and I suggested we make up a bed in a different room, he said, "Just throw a tarp over me."   When the leak was repaired he told the roofer, "You mean I'll need to go all the way into the bathroom to take my morning shower instead of just standing up in my bedroom?"  "If the federal tax law rewards corporations for taxing carbon dioxide emissions, then I will incorporate myself and instruct the executor of my estate to claim upon my death a tax reduction because I am not breathing and hence not emitting carbon dioxide."   " I would like to crea...

" I remembered the words to a song this morning that I hadn't thought of in years. " Dad then proceeded to sing, without pause: A preacher went out huntin' on one Sunday morn. Wasn't against his religion, so he took his gun along. He shot himself some very fine quail and one big mizzly are, and on his way returning home he met a great big grizzly bear. Now the bear marched out in the middle of the road; he waltzed with this preacher you see. The preacher got so excited that he climbed up a cinna tree. The bear sat down upon the ground and preacher climbed out on a limb. Then he cast his eyes to the lord in the skies and these words said to him: Oh Lord didn't you deliver Daniel from the lion's den. Also deliver Jonah from the belly of the whale and then, three Hebrew chillun' from a firey furnace, so the good book do declare. Now Lord if you can't help me for goodness sakes doncha help that bear. The preacher stayed up on that tree I bet it was all...